Practicing the Pause

Practicing the Pause is one of my favorite self-care techniques.

It gives me time to think, reflect on the choice I'm about to make, and feel into my options before I respond.

It's simple, intentional, and self-honoring.

A Pattern Interrupter

This simple practice interrupts old, unconscious ways of reacting and responding. For example:

Do you often say yes or agree to things that you later regret?

Do you spend money on people, things, or experiences without considering how your purchase will affect you financially?

Do you spiral into worst-case-scenario thinking, or let overwhelm take over?

If so, practicing the pause will be a powerful tool for you too. It interrupts your habitual reactions and responses and allows you to choose differently.

When we give ourselves time and space to consider our response — before we react — it allows us to respond more authentically.

Practicing the pause helps us be more mindful. It supports us in making better decisions. It gives us an opportunity to check in and notice how our choices feel. It empowers us to make choices that align with our values.

How to Practice the Pause

Here's how it works in real life:

Example #1

If someone has asked you to do something and you're not sure if you have the time, money, or desire to do so, take a breath and intentionally PAUSE before you respond. Say "let me get back to you," or "I need to think about this," or come up with a neutral response that feels right for you and the situation.

When could you use this tool? What neutral response resonates with you?

Example #2

If you're out shopping and want to buy something you don't need with money you don't have, PAUSE, take a few breaths, and reflect on your goals. Ask yourself: "Is this purchase more important than my long-term goals — paying off debt, or the vacation, car, or home improvement I'm saving for?" Remind yourself that you have a plan, and this purchase will set you back and delay your progress. And probably make you feel bad.

Create your own question and insert your personal goals. Identify when you might use it.

Example #3

If you feel overwhelmed about everything you have to do, take a deep breath and drop your awareness into your body as you exhale. If you can, close your eyes and take a few slower, deeper breaths, allowing yourself to relax a little more with each exhale. This will help calm your nervous system and allow you to be more present to your thoughts and emotions. When you feel ready, consider your situation. Get clear about your options. Then reflect on each option, one at a time, and notice how it feels. One of your choices will feel better than the others.

You can also ask yourself, "Which thing has the highest priority?" or "Is there one thing I can do that will make everything else easier?" Feel into those responses as well.

What overwhelms you most right now? Which question will you ask yourself?

We always have a choice about how and when we respond.

We just need to give ourselves the time and space to do so.

Pausing, reflecting, and responding in more authentic ways is empowering. That feeling reinforces our ability to care for ourselves, align our choices with our values, and build new patterns that truly serve us.